DMT, a Tale of the Unexpected: Thought Loops, White Light and Synesthesia

By Nikkie West, Colorado USA

My first psychedelic experience was with DMT. I didn't have any idea what to expect from the experience, and I also had a lot of it… more than 10 grams. The very first time I actually tried smoking the DMT, I only managed to take one hit. My throat immediately felt like it had gone numb, and it smelled like I had smoked naptha and ear wax!

As soon as I took the hit, things started to shift visually and I immediately got scared, but to my relief it quickly started wearing off. I had smoked enough to see color changes, tribal patterns and feel the body load, but that was about it. So after that I kind of thought, well maybe I can smoke a little at a time and have a pretty good time… but then I got cocky!

Two giant hits and my world collapsed

Here’s what happened next. I took a hit – a giant hit... and then a second hit, which was even bigger. As soon as I put my pipe down, I was gone, but seconds before it kicked in, I remember feeling like Smokey from Friday while he was smoking PCP with Hector and that other guy.

My hearing started to glitch out, and it felt like I was in a video game. I recall thinking about my sister and her husband, and having the sudden realization that they never even existed at all. Then for some time I found myself getting stuck in thought loops, which I found absolutely terrifying.

I felt sounds going right through my tongue as if they were plastic razor blades… there was no pain, but the sounds - even the slightest click - coincided with a sensation of passing right through my tongue at the exact moment I heard it. I think this may have been a form of synesthesia…

All that existed was bright white light

Then the next thing I knew, there was nothing but bright, white light. Nobody... and nothing. I somehow just knew that I had always been there in that white light, and that the life I'm living right now, even as I write this, is actually the dream – not the other way around. It was like the perfect inverse of waking up relieved from a nightmare.

I had no concept of time, but at some point I must have left the white light and started coming ‘back to earth’, still with synesthesia, and prolonged visual changes in terms of my perception of color and texture. I was seeing what looked like rivers of mechanical gears flowing across the floor, and at the same time, the floor looked like it was made up of puzzle pieces.

During the experience, everything was happening so fast that I wasn't really processing even a fraction of what was happening. As I came down a bit more, I realized that I was back in my chair, rocking back and forth. In hindsight, I think I was rocking like this mainly because of the terrifying thought loops.

I started recalling who I was and that I had smoked DMT

At this point I was starting to remember my life and ‘who I am’… and then it dawned on me that I had smoked DMT. For a while I honestly thought I had fried my brain. I remember thinking, oh my God, I'm like Syd Barret… I’ve fried my brain! The moment I remembered I had smoked the DMT, I got down on my hands and knees until the effects wore off. I was breathing heavily, and had the strong sense that I had survived something.

Slowly but surely, I kept coming back down and eventually it seemed to have totally worn off. At this point I instinctually grabbed my phone to look at it, and to my surprise I saw vines growing out of it. The number display looked like an alien language. Then I guess I just kept staring at the phone and it somehow looked like it had exploded – the battery seemed to have blown up out of the back of it. In reality I think that probably happened when I didn’t move or do anything and the phone just shut off in sleep mode.

The aftermath

Hours later I was still blown away with what I had experienced, but I was basically traumatized. However now I just look back on it with pride that I got to be one of the few people on Earth that have had that experience.

Physically, there were no lasting effects, but psychologically I feel like DMT can mess with you. I did try DMT one more time after that heavy trip, but as soon as I felt the high coming on I had an even worse panic than the first time I had tried it. It was as if my body was screaming, "Noooooooooo!"

After that I decided I was probably done with DMT, but I have done mushrooms and acid since then.