DMT Opens Doors You Can Never Close Again: Be Ready
By Caroline Knight, UK
Back in 2012, I smoked DMT (in Changa form) for the first time. My friends tried to prep me for the experience but anyone who has undergone it will tell you that description is futile. Regardless of ineffability, I’ll try to summarise the outcome of the first few DMT experiences I had. I would estimate that I smoked it around 12 times before my life changed for good. If you had asked me then, I would have said I wasn’t ready for what happened. In hindsight, I think I was.
My first experience was one of complete astonishment. The moment I inhaled, it was like a screen dropped down inside the room, replacing the previous reality with an entirely different one; a zoo of ever-changing geometry in colours I had never seen before. Nothing was still, yet there was a sense of total order behind it. Cubes unfolded into smaller cubes in endless fractals. Accompanying the astonishing visuals was a sense of total interconnectedness. Somehow it felt like home.
The night everything changed
The following ten or more DMT sessions unfolded in a similar vein, but the final one culminated in an entirely different experience. From then onward nothing was the same. The moment I exhaled the smoke, I knew this was going to be a rough ride. The previously beautiful fern plant by the fireplace was aggressively spitting black blades at me. The calming Gayatri mantra music that I usually loved sounded dark and twisted; the instruments had all separated, creating an eerily discordant sound.
A heavy energy pervaded the room and my heart raced in panic. I was convinced a demonic energy was trying to overpower me, so I started to concentrate as hard as I could on love and gratitude. Out of nowhere, I felt a cool breeze on my chest, in the heart area and a being appeared in my awareness. I couldn’t see it fully, just an owl-like face and huge open wings… but it had a huge humanoid body, and exuded a strong male, protective energy. It seemed to be a God-like archetype and I suddenly felt safe.
This winged being seemed to attach to my heart centre, chest to chest, and I was escorted rapidly from the dense, terrifying energy and through tunnels of whirling patterns and geometry in hues of deep, moody violets and blues. When I came around, I was shaken up. I didn’t really know what had happened, but I knew I wouldn’t be doing it again for a while. Incidentally, a few months later I saw an artist’s image online (now heading this article) and was spooked by the similarity with my experience. Make of that what you will…
Next up, incessant Déjà vu and night-time weirdness
The next day, I met a friend for lunch. That’s when the déjà vu started. My friend was chatting and I thought, “I knew you were going to say that then.” There was a sense of remembering everything about the setting too. That déjà vu was the first of many over the course of a week. I would say on average about 5 times per day. I had no idea why, and for the next six years, I still would not.
The next thing that started up was jerking awake in total confusion regularly at night. These things went on for so long and there was so much to it that I could write a book on it. In an attempt to summarise, I’ll say that it happened at least three times a week. Each ‘episode’ had a theme, and the themes varied until they became reliable sets of themes.
For example, one time I would think that I had died. Another time I would think that I had just received an ultimate truth: that my life was not real but an illusion, and everything I treasured was gone. On another occasion, I would become aware that I was trapped in a ‘Groundhog Day’-type life loop, living the same life over and over and unable to get out of it. These things felt like moments of genuine awareness rather than panic attacks, but they overwhelmed me in a big way as my ego was taking a kicking each time. The foundations of my reality were being seriously (and regularly) shaken up. These themes would repeat over and over, with other unpleasant ones thrown into the mix here and there.
Had I ‘perforated’ my pineal gland?
The interesting thing was that there were no dreams before the moment of awakening. I confirmed this with a sleep monitor that recorded sleep phases and times of waking. The awakening would feel like having been fired out of a cannon from deep rest into an alternate reality, and it would take me anything from ten seconds to five minutes to figure out where and who I was, and what reality I was ‘really’ in. The panic and sense of doom and disillusionment was overwhelming. Naturally I perceived it as negative. I fought it with everything I had… and got precisely nowhere.
In the absence of a better explanation, I started to think that that fateful final DMT trip had sent back a negative entity attached to my energy field. In 2016, a shaman in Peru told me that DMT, if smoked too regularly, can skyrocket your awareness to the extent that it has the affect of ‘perforating the osmotic layer of the pineal gland’, essentially tearing holes in your ‘aura’, and allowing in energies that can feed on your own energy.
Whether or not you believe in that possibility or those topics, the spirit world and its polarities are things shamans accept as standard. Having worked as a medium for many years before that time, I was willing to accept this as a theory. Six years later, I’m not so sure that that explanation does account for my experiences.
Multiverses, quantum immortality and the Mandela Effect
Around the same time, reality became much more malleable for me, filled with so many synchronicities, much more awareness of previously unthinkable concepts, and bizarre experiences like the Mandela Effect. Due to the strangeness of the Mandela Effect I became aware of the multiverse theory, quantum entanglement, and quantum immortality.
Now these things are not something I ever gave much thought to, except to say that I was more inclined to feel that quantum physics was more plausible than other scientific versions of our reality. My post-DMT experiences fit incredibly well with the multiverse and quantum immortality theories, which sound something like this:
Multiverse:
There is not just one universe/reality. There are infinite possibilities/alternate realities and you are alive in all of them, with each different decision you make taking you in a different direction. A little like the film Sliding Doors, and alluded to by the famous double slit experiment. Sounds fantastical, perhaps. There are a lot of movies and books implying it though, and it explains psychic phenomena, reincarnation and plenty of other things. Welcome to yet another tunnel of the rabbit hole.
Quantum Immortality:
You can’t die (which may not feel like news), but you’ll always be you. Groundhog Day eat your heart out. You can jump out of the window and die in this reality but you’ll just wake up in another one where you’re still you and events happened slightly differently. E.g. you just broke your leg, or the window wouldn’t open in the first place. I have reason to believe this might have happened to me, but that’s another story. It’s one that I would have dismissed quickly if it wasn’t for all that happened to me since I first met with DMT.
DMT blasts open the doors of perception
“It may be that DMT makes us able to perceive what the physicists call “dark matter” - the 95 per cent of the universe’s mass that is known to exist but that at present remains invisible to our senses and instruments.”
Whatever is the case, this reality seems to be one thing, but there’s far more going on than the human mind is capable of dealing with in most cases, or so it would seem. If you’re prepared to explore the DMT realm, you’re a curious type for sure. Well done for courage. Just be prepared for the possibility that your life may never be the same again.
I (now) don’t regret the challenges I went through after that trip. They have been intense at times but also educational, and even if it took me six years, I feel like I’m finally getting to understand what it was all about. I asked for enlightenment, and even then I knew it wouldn’t be fluffy and easy. Seek and you better be prepared to find… especially if you pick up that pipe.